Adoption Journeys

As an adoption professional, I can say with certainity that inaccurate representations of adoptions are portrayed fairly regularly by media;  through written material as well as visual pieces.  Whenever, I am about to see a T.V. show or movie that has a story line regarding adoption, I cringe at the possibilites of what viewpoints will be addressed.

My hope is  that writers of “artistic pieces”  about adoption are interested in researching the realities that occur within the adoption process for all members involved; the adoptees, adoptive families and birth families.  My concerns are that the awareness of how their multi-media presentations may affect or be perceived by interested parties isn’t always paramount in the project’s creation.

I am aware that specific professions and work experiences will inform human beings as to realities of situations. And I realize we can not expect media to educate us accurately regarding various life experiences, or  how to make important choices.

However, it is my contention in writing this blog to impress upon the seeker of a life’s choice such as adoption, to question what is presented in the media and to research answer’s to your questions from adoption professionals and hopefully, from other’s who have walked the path you are embarking upon.

During the past 20 years the field of Domestic adoption has moved from a strictly closed process to a variety of fluid adoption models. Birth mothers and adoptive families are offered choices as to what future contact will be acceptable to both parties. Will they have an open, semi open, closed or semi closed adoption plan, and will there be flexibility for change as time goes by?

Ideally, the models are designed to instill a degree of respect for all members of the adoption triad. Birth mothers are given an opportunity to choose the family that will raise their unborn child. In many situations, they will get to see their child grow through the years, if not in person, than through pictures and information from the adoptive parents.

Adoptive families can now share information with their children regarding their biological families through honest, on- going dialogues. The children they raise aren’t forced to fantasize or feel a void  of information in terms of  their genetic backgrounds. They can have answers to questions, such as  family roots, if they choose to ask during their growing years.

It is my sincere wish that a variety of expectations, and positive life experiences can evolve for adoptees, adoptive parents and birth parents of the fluid domestic adoption models. I would venture to say the most exciting being the choice to erase the fear and secret based lives of the past that many  adoptive triad’s members endured through completely closed adoptions.

 

 

 

We at Adoption Journeys wish everyone a loving, happy holiday season. I watched the movie “Home for the Holidays” yesterday. I’ve seen  it before, yet each time it brings back those funny challenging times that most of us face when experiencing family get togethers and holiday expectations.  The characters in the film may not fit the stero types of everyone’s family, but the main themes of Love, and Acceptance certainly set a tone for me to remember during the rest of the season.

We have family visiting from back East arriving Christmas week,  and lots of new connections happening this December 2011; lots of interactions with family and new friends to experience. My Holiday resolution is to appreciate each experience with as much grace and lack of judgement as is possible.  I believe the most joy we  experiencee is when we are mindful of our blessings and the people we get to share love with in our lives.

As the Director of Adoption Journeys, I am happy to share with the community that we were able to assist in the completion of 4 Domestic adoption placements of brand new infants in the past 3 months, and have another matched birth mother and adoptive family in process at this time.

We feel blessed that we have had the honor to assist in these placements. We honor our birth mothers for making the incredibly self- less decision to make an adoption plan for their children. We realize the challenges they have faced in having to come to the decision, as well as, the ones they will face moving forward.

We are thrilled for the little babies who have found their forever families, and the new mom’s and dad’s who have become parents to these beautiful, precious infants.

The world of domestic adoption continues to bring many life altering experiences for everyone involved in the process. We at Adoption Journeys appreciate our role in assisting all members of the adoption triad and wish everyone the best life has to offer for the Year 2012.

Realize your dreams and they just may surprise you!

Lenore Grabel, M.A., Executive Director

 

 

By Lenore Grabel, M.A., Executive Director

In today’s Domestic adoption model most programs provide the opportunity for birth families to choose the adoptive family that will raise their unborn child.  Through these circumstances an “adoption triad” is formed; this triad consists of the birth family, adoptive family and ultimately the unborn child.  The members of this newly connected triad are woven into an evolving process that can reframe their initial belief systems, and undoubtedly affect their human condition forever.

The frequency of meetings agreed upon by birth parents and adoptive parents prior to the birth of an unborn child varies according to a myriad of circumstances. Some of the issues at stake for both sides of the initial triad entail concerns such as, what type and how much contact will be required?   If we take the risk to open up our lives to strangers will our expectations be met? Can we trust our decisions? Ultimately, how do we deal with the lack of control in this process?

At Adoption Journeys of Az.  it is our purpose to support and advocate for all our client’s rights.

The expertise we offer is unique and highly professional.

With this in mind, it is important to emphasize that variables of human emotions, behaviors and decision making processes will affect the equilibrium for all members of an adoption triad.

It is my intention in this article to offer birth parents, and potential adoptive parents some hints about what the others might be thinking and experiencing prior to, as well as, during the adoption process.

By sharing these insights it is my hope that each side can come to the adoption process with an empathetic vision that minimizes judgment, and instills sensitivity towards the other.

Expectant mothers who choose an adoption plan for their unborn child will experience one of the most challenging decision making process a woman might ever face.

The decision to place your unborn child for adoption is life altering, extremely unselfish and totally courageous.

The emotional reality of the decision involves loss, pain, and many conflicting feelings which will affect the birth mother’s future in a variety of ways.

• She may or may not have support to assist her throughout the decision making process.
• Her life situation may be very complicated.
• She may or may not know or have contact with the birth father.
• She may not have definite plans for her life after the pregnancy, yet is choosing to make an adoption plan to secure her child’s future.
• She is dealing with the reality she won’t have the joy of parenting her child.
• She realizes she will suffer a great loss, but is facing an unknown awareness of what coping skills will be needed to move forward, and letting go of her child.
• In most cases, before an expectant mom arranges for the placement of her child with a prospective adoptive family she isn’t sure of her rights or what type of adoption options are available to her; such as open, semi open and closed adoptions.

Prospective adoptive families have in many cases faced difficult emotional losses, and obstacles prior to and during the decision making process to choose an adoption journey. Many have struggled with the prospect that they will never have the opportunity to become parents.

• They have felt helpless, cheated, endured losses of pregnancies, and unsuccessful medical procedures to achieve what should be a natural biological process.
• Many have experienced a loss of hope and are concerned about the success of other options to becoming parents.
• Choosing the option of adoption can imply risks, be complicated and must be built on faith and trust towards those assisting in a process that has no timeline, and no assurances.
• If prospective adoptive parents chose to pursue the adoption path to parenting they must be willing to accept the processes and procedures, such as an Home Study Investigation which can be anticipated as an intrusive evaluation to prove they are worthy enough to parent a child.
• They too, aren’t sure of their rights,must wait to be chosen by an expectant mother and  have to decide on what will be best for them and their future child by entering into an open semi open or closed adoption.

When an expectant mother and a prospective adoptive family make their decision to choose the adoption path, they will come together, then, in an agreed upon relationship to switch over the parentage of a child from one family to the other.

The experience will be completely different for each member of the process due to the reality of the circumstances, the role of each person, and the conclusion of the plan.

As an adoption professional that assists in navigating the adoption path for both birth parents and adoptive parents, it has been my perception that each process is unique.

When human beings are experiencing stressful circumstances their ability to function, form relationships, sort out feelings and manage their emotions will vary due to the life skills, and resilience they bring to the situation.

We at Adoption Journeys continue to offer our expertise to all sides of the triad with our ultimate goal being to assist in securing a future for the best interest of the child being born.

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